COURAGE

Nov 17 Written By Rachel Headings

When you are feeling enough is enough… you have a dream and desire a big change in your life but have no idea how to get there… you want it so bad it keeps you up at night trying to figure out ways to bring your dream into your reality… what is it going to take??? You have hit rock bottom so many times and are tired of the hamster wheel with no end in sight. Day in and day out you do the same thing over and over wishing things were different, craving a life that was not so stressful, and an internal state that felt calm and confident… This was me 1.5 years ago. I had a dream of being able to work from anywhere, helping people heal, treating the root cause, and being able to joyfully show up for myself, family, and clients from a place of calm and overflow instead of a place of stress and overwhelm. It took the pandemic to push me off the cliff. I was sitting on the back porch feeling sorry for myself and my life situation. Working a 9-5, stress from the time I got up to the time I crashed into bed at night- trying to get so many things done at the same time I was losing track of what got done and what still needed to get done… Trying to care for my kids, myself, and show up to work with very little left to give. Then my kids were quarantined at home with no child care since the virus had everyone scared and homebound, except the frontline healthcare workers like myself and my husband. We had no choice but to keep showing up working around the fear of getting the virus- what would it do to my husband who was 5 years post chemo for life-threatening cancer??? His immune system was already taxed- what would the virus do to him? We lived with that fear day in and day out. I was craving the confidence and courage to move forward with my dream but scared out of my mind that there was no way I could make it happen. I wasn’t smart enough, skilled enough on the computer, and didn’t know the first thing about being an entrepreneur… I had many limiting beliefs surfacing as I started to muster up enough courage to make my dream a reality… When it became clear I could no longer keep doing what I was doing- I knew where it led and the stress was literally killing me- I was exhausted, showing signs of hormone imbalance, lashing out at my kids and husband in complete overwhelm. It was not the life I wanted and not the way I wanted to show up. It created a lot of tension in the house and in my children. If things were going to change it was going to be up to me. No one else could do this for me. I joined my first mentorship and it was just what I needed. The first 3 modules were on mindset which I knew very little about. I had no idea my thoughts were running the show and what I was focusing on kept showing up… that me being a sensitive soul created a lot of trauma since birth that I was not aware of and that many of my patterns of thinking and ways of being were coming from a trauma response and not from the more aware Higher Self (soul). I was disconnected- I felt unworthy, and like I would never be ENOUGH no matter how much I accomplished. This is where the mindset shift needed to happen. For me to create the life I truly desired- it all started here. Me taking ownership of my journey and no longer willing to go down the same road or act out of the patterns I had created that no longer worked for me. Enough was enough. This led me to enrolling in an emotional intelligence program that was the toughest thing I have ever done. It cleaned out a lot of limiting beliefs, anger, stuff standing in my way of manifesting my dream life- and replaced the feeling of unconditional I lost 7 years ago when my father passed away. Who knew I had a place of comfort/unconditional love/safety/security within me I could access any time I needed to for comfort, direction, or when anxiety was flaring. This place was always there- but was covered by anger, doubt, fear (so much fear), that I didn’t know it was there until I started to unpack the heart… From there I worked with a trauma coach to help me heal the inner child that sustained trauma throughout my childhood. Being a sensitive soul I took on a lot of people’s stuff and learned to people please to keep everyone happy, do things I thought I should do, overachieve to feel enough, and stay quiet so I wouldn’t ruffle any feathers- well these habits and ways of being needed to change if I was going to create what I truly desired. I needed to figure out new ways of being that came from a place of belief in myself, feeling worthy, confident in my opinions/values/ideas, and not from a place of trying to keep everyone happy- I knew where that was going to go- to complete overwhelm. There was no switch that flipped or magic wand I waved everyday to get to this place. There was courage, commitment, dedication, curiosity, and taking complete ownership of my journey- if my old ways of being were not working, what ways of being were going to work… I had no idea what it meant to just BE. I was much better at DOING. Getting out of the cycle of stress was going to take some work. You mean it is ok to rest? Intentionally rest? I was used to doing so much that rest was way down the list- I pushed myself out of a sense of urgency, needing to achieve the next thing to feel worthy or ENOUGH. I needed to figure out how to BE and still get things done When faced with big changes- it takes COURAGE. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Finding someone to walk through the fear with you, trying out new habits, thought patterns, starting to listen to the quiet voice that whispers in your heart- that can only be heard when you are focusing on it. Slowing down so you can listen to it. Courage is the first step though, without that I would still be where I was at…I pinch myself that I am here, living a life I created because I used the courage to jump off the cliff into the sea of uncertainty and started to figure things out one step at a time… I started to slow down, plug in, and listen… listen to the truth in my heart…the kind compassionate voice that was there- waiting for me to listen to it. If you are trying to decide which way to go, on the edge of making big changes, try slowing down, and asking yourself the tough questions:

1. What do I truly want?

2. What gives me joy?

3. What makes my heart sing?

Answering these questions, imagining the life, health, body of your dreams is the first step. Taking ownership of the journey to do what is being asked of you to make the big changes is the next step. Then digging deep to find the courage to keep choosing the new ways of being to create it… You don’t need to know how, you just need to know what you want. And focus on the courage it takes to get there… the rest will show up as you keep believing in yourself, as you keep choosing you, the real you. It is beautiful to reconnect and find the real you- it brings pure fulfillment and joy like no achievement or moment outside yourself…once you have found it- you can never go back- you do whatever it takes to keep it driving the ship and creating magic moment to moment.

Rachel Headings